No matter what anyone says, there must be compromise and understanding in marriage.
Nearly two years ago, my husband quit his full-time job cold turkey to earn his MBA. Don’t worry, he didn’t make this decision on his own. I still remember when he approached me about wanting to concentrate on school full-time. With Dan being the bread-winner, my heart stopped beating for a second, and I automatically flew into panic-mode. Bug-eyed with “NO!” on the tip of my tongue. But, I knew his job only caused misery (outside of a select group of good friends that came out of it), and I knew he desperately wanted to do something more with his life. Before I struck down his proposal, I thought about all the years my husband has been there for me and supported me while I chased down my dreams and reached as high as I wanted. I struggled to find a job after undergrad, and when I did, I hardly made enough to support myself. Dan was there. I quit both of my jobs and moved thousands of miles away to go to law school. Dan supported my decision 100%, and we paid two rents for 6 months on one income. I graduated law school and struggled to find another job for 6 months. Dan was there again. Always. Without fail. Dan has always been the bread-winner so it was important for me to sit down with him and review our finances to see if we could make his proposal a reality. Once I saw that we were in a good enough financial position, how could I not support my husband with his dream when I know he’d do the same for me over again? I also considered that a prestigious business school had accepted him, so while there was plenty of risk, I took comfort in that. With that, I agreed, and he put in his two weeks.
Here we are. Two years later with his graduation 3 months away, and he’s still looking for a full-time job. I hate feeling out of control, and that’s exactly where I’m at. There are so many negative things going on at my job that I can barely concentrate on my other obligations of being a good friend, managing the children’s ministry at my church, or, most importantly, being there for my husband as he struggles to find a job for the first time. Dan has never had problems finding a job. I’ve always struggled while my husband has always landed a job with hardly any effort. For the first time, he’s struggling, and I’m floundering in my ideas of how to help him. The problem is that we’re in two distinct industries, and I know so little about his industry. The other problems are that my husband is a bit of a procrastinator, and he refuses to give up on his ideal job. I’ve reached out to friends who can help, reviewed and revised his cover letter, and offered words of wisdom. I’ve also cried, fretted over our situation and said words I wish I could take back.
My takeaway from this experience is that we’re still doing okay, and deep down, I know that everything is going to be okay in the end. I trust that God will get us through this. I’ve learned so much about what it means to be patient and to be thankful for what I have. The only thing I know how to do is to continue supporting my husband and have faith in our decision two years ago. There’s certainly something to say about stepping out of our comfort zone. That’s where the real growth is, and life isn’t life until there’s a little bit of risk involved. There’s a touch of excitement, and a lot of uncertainty. It’s all strangely exhilarating and stressful all at the same time. Stay tuned.