“The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid?” – Psalm 27:1
Life is so strange, isn’t it? How it ebbs and flows; how people come in and fade out…sometimes slowly…sometimes abruptly; how very few plans ever really stay on track; just to name a few.
But that’s life, and I’m still learning how to let go.
I love to plan things out. I can confidently say that I’m the Queen of organizing events, gathering large groups of people for extravagant trips, or fleshing out creative visions. I like to think I was some sort of event planner or wedding planner in another life. I jump at almost every chance I get to contribute some of my creative mojo. What I’m getting at is that I love to plan. I don’t really like surprises, but I’m unexpectedly good at adapting to changing circumstances. It’s sort of a weird combination, I know.
My knack for planning has also been the perfect recipe for disappointment and heartache, however. It is so difficult for me to feel like I’m out of control. At times, the feeling is terrifying. But, I’ve learned a lot over the last few years of my life: that we can’t really plan life out completely, that we need to keep our focus on God and his plans for us. Sometimes the plans we’ve selfishly designed for ourselves are so different from the path that God wants us to take. God knows best. It’s sad to think of all the times I’ve stopped myself out of fear or didn’t listen to God’s voice through my heart. I’m not saying to just throw your cares to the wind completely, but a lot of life is just moving along with the ups and downs of it through fully trusting in God. Fear does nothing to people but cripple them.
I equate fear with a lack of trust in God. It’s a terrible trait I’ve had to re-examine over and over again. “What we give to fear we take away from faith,” as Mitch Albom so eloquently put it. It’s this struggle that makes me so grateful to have my husband in my life. I know God has placed him in my life for so many reasons, but one of them is forcing me to confront my fear of…well, fear itself, and all the others things that I’m afraid of. Dan takes life as it comes. He’s calm in situations where I would probably start crying. He’s quiet during times where I would probably explode in anger. He listens to me patiently when I’m fretting or worrying about the lamest things, and then he usually strings together the absolute best words of comfort. I’ve learned so much from Dan. And so, just like every imperfect human being on Earth, I get up and try to overcome my fears over and over again.
With that, I’m hoping that one day I let go completely, and just let God steer my life. Besides, He’s the best driver there is.