Love means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It could spark with a certain feeling, a certain look, a certain touch. Love must mature over time, and it takes firm commitment and work (who said life was easy?). I’ve never had problems with commitment; in fact, I hated the whole “dating” scene. Sure, I’ve been burned and broken, sitting in the bathtub with a bottle of wine and mascara-smeared face (Mom, thanks for driving 2 hours to be with me when I thought I was going to die from heartbreak). Most of us have been there. But in the end, he also wasn’t worth it (I wish I knew that before I wasted too many tears on him). Heartbreak teaches us lessons, sometimes in subtle ways, but there are lessons to be learned.
Love stands the test of time, moving, arguing, growing up….Love never fails. I don’t like to rush into love–it should be a slow, progressive movement. Why rush? It’s hard to decipher love at a young age. I say that because I struggled with young love, on more then one occasion. My husband is the second occasion. I was 17 when I first started dating my husband. I was in my last year of high school while he was away in college. Those are the years when change is at its ultimate high. I was finding out who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, where I wanted to be when it was all over. Youth is a hard stage of life. Everything is complicated, everything is changing and everything is uncertain. From high school to college to grad school. When does life ever slow down?
Trust and honesty are the threshold of love. Without trust or honesty all you have is a deceptive relationship full of lies and very little love. I suppose respect can be interwoven in there, but it goes hand in hand. All relationships have boundaries, and they should be respected. I’ve put this at the top of my list because I have been in relationships where trust is the first thing to go, and then the entire relationship comes crashing down. Think of it as the foundation to a huge mansion.
Then comes the independence portion. Believe it or not, there are women out there who give too much of themselves to their significant others. So much so that if something were to ever happen to that loved one they would have no idea how to handle finances, work, or take care of themselves. I made it a point to never, ever be that woman. I can stand on my own two feet if something, God forbid, ever happens to my husband. A girl should be able to go out with her friends without permission, and be her own person. It’s more important then a lot of people think. Sure, a relationship is teamwork, but it should also involve some alone time.
The last layer of love is persistence. This can encompass many things, but it mostly means not running away at the drop of a dime, picking your arguments wisely, and accepting the other person for who they are. If I learned anything from my parents, it’s that you cannot change someone. Petty arguments slowly eat at relationships, and they resolve nothing. Usually, there are much deeper issues that need to be discussed when petty arguments arise. Find an outlet during stressful days and communicate your feelings (men AND woman are not mind-readers).
Find someone who makes you feel safe, who loves you completely and deeply, and who believes in you. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and there is plenty of trial and error; but, I promise, when you find it, it’s the greatest feeling in the world.
P.S. The blog got a makeover, and a new name (since my other name was way too popular). What do you think? :)